Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
