My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would fuck him just for his dog
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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