Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
