my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
