I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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