woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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