I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
