just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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