So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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