come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
