Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
