I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
