New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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