I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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