update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
