Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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