Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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