Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
