lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
