dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
