Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it glows. i had to have it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
