So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
