Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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