Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
