i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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