It's like a parade of train wrecks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
