there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
