it hurts more in the daytime
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pants are for mortals
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