what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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