Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think i have two assholes
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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