so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
