I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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