Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
