u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
