....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
