Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
