The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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