Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
