A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would fuck him just for his dog
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
