I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
