Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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