I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
