Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
