Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its not stalking. its research.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
