What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
