i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
