looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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