i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize