You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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