I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
