i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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