I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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