Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i believe in u and ur pee
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
