i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
