Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
